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At seven I dragged my kid to the car and took her to school. It’s been all downhill since then… * * * As I pulled into the company parking lot I noticed that someone had parked in my spot. The nerve of that jerk! How could they park in a spot marked ‘Reserved Parking for Percival Sweetwalker’? I intended to make a scene out of this so I put my car in park and wandered over to the offending minivan. Looking through the driver’s window I could see an assortment of snack wrappers littering the floor and passenger’s seat. ‘The jerks a slob too,’ I thought. Then I noticed the sign. ‘Reserved Parking for Frank Fuchs’. ‘Fucks?’ I muttered as I looked around making sure this was it. It was indeed my spot. I knew it perfectly right down to the cracks in the bricks on the side of the building. I knew who Frank was too. He was the asshole from accounting that kept breaking the copiers. I got back in my car and drove around until I found my name in the furthest spot from the building.. ” By the time we left the restaurant, my credit card was almost maxed out. I couldn’t even pronounce what Marti ordered to eat, and I nearly died when the waiter suggested a bottle of wine that cost over three hundred dollars.“Is that a problem?” Marti asked as she looked over at me. I tried to sound calm, but I know I stuttered as I said, “N... n... no.”When the food came, her plate was practically empty. Why is it that the more expensive a dish, the smaller the portion? After we ate, she insisted on an aperitif. I didn’t even know what that was, but evidently it is a very sweet, very expensive drink that is served in a thimble glass. Somehow she managed to make that tiny glass last for almost a half hour as she smiled and waved at almost everyone in the restaurant.When the bill came, and I got the slip back, she said, “Remember to make the tip twenty-five percent. I don’t want you to embarrass me in front of my friends.”“OK,” I mumbled as I noted how close to maximum my bill would.
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